Who’s the King of the Castle? A Biblical Calling to Honor Your Husband in a Fallen World

Let's be honest, marriage is a big deal. God created it, so you know it's not some flimsy, unreliable arrangement. Think of it less as an old-fashioned institution and more like a beautiful tapestry, woven with strands of "I love you," "I'm sorry," and "Did you take out the trash this morning?" The following is a Biblical calling to honor your husband in a fallen world.

For those of you who are Christian wives, there's a very special, but sometimes puzzling, thread in that tapestry: the call to honor your husbands. Hold on a second, before you imagine yourself delicately curtsying or polishing his golf clubs, let's set the record straight. This isn't about being a doormat; it's a spiritual act with much deeper purposes than you realize. It's a reflection of a relationship so epic that it's used to describe Christ and His relationship with His Church. Very high stakes indeed.

In a world that changes faster than Florida weather, trying to live out this biblical command of honoring your husband can feel like you're navigating whitewater rapids in a rubber raft from the dollar store. This essay is your life jacket. We'll examine what the Bible actually says (and what it doesn't), compare that to the rom-coms and reality TV shows that get it all wrong, and take a quick spin through the last century to see how marital roles have gone from "Leave It to Beaver" to The Simpsons. Finally, we'll dust off our crystal ball and ponder what's next for this sacred, sometimes exasperating, yet always significant relationship.

The foundation for a Christian wife’s role is laid out clearly in Scripture, most notably in Ephesians 5:22-33. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians commands, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” This passage is often a point of contention and misunderstanding in a world that values equality and individual autonomy above all else. However, when considered with the correct perspective, it reveals a beautiful picture of a divinely ordained mandate. The call to “submit” is not about being a doormat or relinquishing one's intellect and identity. The Greek word hupotassō is better understood as “to arrange under” or “to willingly place oneself under the authority of another,” much like a church voluntarily submits to the leadership of Christ.

In addition, this command to wives is immediately followed by a profound and challenging charge to husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The husband’s leadership is not to be domineering or authoritarian, but a selfless, sacrificial love that mirrors Christ's ultimate act of love on the cross. A wife’s honor and respect for her husband are a response to his Christ-like love and leadership. It is an act of faith, trusting that God has placed him in this position for the good of the family. The Bible emphasizes respect as a primary need for husbands, just as love is the primary need for wives. As Ephesians 5:33 concludes, "each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." This mutual, complementary dynamic is the divine design for a thriving marriage.

Beyond Ephesians, the virtuous wife of Proverbs 31 serves as a timeless model of a woman who honors her husband. She is a woman of strength, diligence, and wisdom, who works hard and manages her household well. Her actions bring honor to her husband, not just in their home but in the community. "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value... her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land" (Proverbs 31:11, 23). This demonstrates that a wife's honor is not a private matter, but instead has public implications, affirming her husband's reputation and standing.

In stark contrast to the biblical ideal, the modern cultural landscape often presents a different picture of the marital relationship. The concepts of submission and honoring a husband can be seen as outdated, oppressive, and even harmful. The rise of feminism and the pursuit of gender equality have rightfully challenged historical injustices. Still, they have also, in some circles, led to a rejection of all traditional gender roles, including those found in Scripture. In today’s society, a wife is often praised for her independence, her ability to stand on her own, and her capacity to challenge or even “train” her husband.

Wives today, in some instances, may treat their husbands more like co-parents, roommates, or projects to be fixed, rather than partners to be honored and respected. Casual jokes about husbands being incompetent or lazy are common, and "mothering" a spouse—telling him what to do, what to wear, or how to think—is a subtle but pervasive form of disrespect. Social media often becomes a platform for public complaints and passive-aggressive jabs, where a wife's criticism of her husband can be broadcast to her entire network. This behavior is a world away from the Proverbs 31 wife who "speaks with wisdom" and for whom "her husband has full confidence."

While many marriages today are founded on genuine love and mutual respect, the cultural currents are undeniably strong. The emphasis is on a partnership of equals in all things, with little room for the kind of differentiated, complementary roles described in the Bible. This can lead to a state of competitive "score-keeping" within the marriage, where both partners are trying to prove their worth rather than serving one another in love. The concept of a husband's unique need for respect and a wife's unique need for love has been largely lost in the noise of a culture that seeks to make all roles identical.

Media plays a significant role in shaping our perceptions of what a "normal" relationship looks like, often presenting a distorted reality. Historically, the media have alternated between romanticizing and satirizing marital life. In the golden age of Hollywood, films often presented an idealized, if sometimes patriarchal, version of marriage where a husband was the strong provider and a wife was the supportive homemaker.

Today’s media landscape is far more complex. While some romantic comedies still portray a fairytale vision of love, many modern TV shows and movies depict marriage in a more cynical or comedic light. Sitcoms often rely on the figure of the bumbling, incompetent husband who needs his sharp-witted wife to guide him through life. This image, while designed for laughs, subtly reinforces the idea that men are inherently less capable and that a wife's role is to manage them. On the contrary, other media romanticize unhealthy behaviors, portraying possessiveness or jealousy as signs of passionate love. This can lead to unrealistic expectations, where viewers might think that a lack of constant, high-stakes drama means their marriage is boring or unfulfilling.

The rise of reality television, social media influencers, and podcasts has added another layer to this. We are constantly exposed to carefully curated and often exaggerated versions of other people’s relationships. This can create a sense of inadequacy and a feeling that our marriages are falling short. The biblical model, grounded in a spiritual commitment and quiet, daily obedience, stands in stark contrast to the media's often loud, dramatic, and performance-based portrayals of love and relationships.

Looking back 100 years to the 1920s and 1930s, marital roles were drastically different. Society was largely patriarchal, with a clear division of labor between men and women. The husband was the unquestioned head of the household, the primary breadwinner, and the public face of the family. The wife’s domain was the home, and her identity was often closely tied to her roles as a homemaker, mother, and supporter of her husband. Women had only recently gained the right to vote in the United States, and their legal rights were still subordinate to those of their husbands in many areas.

While this era had its own set of problems and injustices, there was a certain clarity to the roles that people played. A wife’s job was to create a sanctuary of a home, raise the children, and support her husband in his endeavors. A husband's job was to provide and protect. This traditional framework, while not always perfect or fair, provided a clear social script.

The past century has seen an incredible transformation. The advent of two world wars, the Great Depression, and the civil rights and feminist movements shattered the old paradigms. Women entered the workforce in unprecedented numbers, first out of necessity and later out of a desire for personal fulfillment and career advancement. This economic independence fundamentally altered the marital dynamic. The idea of a husband as the sole provider has become a thing of the past for many families, and the concept of marriage as a partnership of equals has taken root. Today, roles are much more fluid, with many couples sharing responsibilities for earning income, raising children, and running the household. This shift has brought greater freedom and opportunity for women, but it has also introduced new complexities and questions about what a wife’s role truly is.

Projecting another 100 years into the future, the institution of marriage will likely continue to evolve in ways we can barely imagine. Based on current trends, we can speculate on a few possibilities. One path suggests that marriage may become less of a social necessity and more of a deeply personal choice. With increasing life expectancy, a marriage that lasts 60, 70, or even 80 years may become the norm, requiring couples to be more intentional about nurturing their relationship through various life stages, career changes, and personal evolutions.

Another trend could be the formalization of different types of marital contracts. Some futurists predict the rise of "renewable short-term marriage contracts" that could be renewed every five or ten years, reflecting a desire for less permanence and more flexibility. This would stand in sharp opposition to the "till death do us part" vow. Furthermore, as societal standards continue to broaden, we may see even greater diversity in what constitutes a family and a marriage, with non-traditional arrangements becoming more common and accepted.

From a Christian perspective, the future will likely present both challenges and opportunities. As the world moves further away from traditional values, a Christ-centered marriage will become an even more powerful witness to the world. Wives who honor their husbands and husbands who sacrificially love their wives will not be following a cultural script, but a divine one. Their marriage, built on a foundation of faith, mutual respect, and selfless love, will stand out as a beacon of hope and an example of a love that is truly counter-cultural. It will be a testament to the enduring power of God's design for a husband and wife —a timeless calling that remains relevant and beautiful, regardless of what the world around them says.

In conclusion, the journey for a Christian wife to honor her husband is a beautiful, challenging, and deeply spiritual one. It is a journey that requires looking past the fleeting values of culture and media and anchoring oneself in the timeless truth of Scripture. By embracing the biblical call to respect and honor, a wife not only strengthens her marriage but also participates in a divine mystery that reflects the profound love story between Christ and His Church.